Heavy Heart

My heart is very heavy tonight as I feel that I have just realized what has come between my beautiful baby girl and I– secular world!

My dear daughter and I have had a really hard time getting along for years now.  I really was not sure why exactly.  I know she does not like me because of my weight and the illnesses that have happened because of the weight.  I know this because she has told me as much.  However there seems to be a missing piece that I could not figure out.

Before she moved out this past summer she told me that I was confusing her and she could not be herself with me around asking her if she had any  morals.  WHAT?  I did not understand what she was saying.  Yes our views are different but she has listened to those in society more than those in the church.  While I on the other hand have gone toward the church.

It hit  me today like a ton of freaking bricks.   My son showed me a picture of her that her room mate has drawn all over her back.  Her roommate is very talented in drawing.  However this is not something I or her father agree with.  Then the comments of encouragement  from her “friends”.  I looked up one friend after I read a comment my DD had made to her friend and it hit me– our life styles are so very different and she knows how I feel about alternative lifestyles.  She is not comfortable enough to let us know that is the way she feels.  She feels freedom from being away from me because she does not have to hide “who she is”.

DEAR GOD  PLEASE I PRAY THAT I AM WRONG ABOUT THIS.  BUT RIGHT NOW THIS IS ALL THE EVIDENCE THAT I HAVE AND THIS IS WHERE I SEE IT LEADING.  I KNOW THAT I TEND TO MAKE THINGS WORSE THAN THEY ARE AND JUMP VERY FAR AND QUICK  OVER THINGS.  PLEASE LET THIS BE ONE OF THE TIMES.  DEAR LORD PLEASE HELP MY DD FIND HER WAY BACK TO YOU AND TO THE CHURCH.

I am not sure what to do.  I love my dd but I feel and have felt for years that she is no longer mine.  This is not the correct way to feel.  I feel as though she is dead to me.  She does not want much to do with me and why is that?  Well if our views are so totally different and she knows that than she is keeping me away on purpose.  She feels that her dad is more accepting of her and any decision that she makes.

like I said my heart is very sad right now and I do not know where to turn to find the answers.  IF, and that is a big IF,  this is true than that makes things a little more clearer than they had been.   IF I am totally  wrong on this, and  I hope that I am, than I really do not understand her, love her YES but do not understand her.

God please help her and me.

Confusion in many areas

So it has been a while since I blogged and a lot has happened.

Both my brother and sister’s oldest son’s got married (two weeks apart).  My brother has stayed in the faith and raised his children in the faith.  My sister left the faith soon after her oldest son was born and baptized so he was never raised as a Catholic.  In trying to deepen and understand my faith better I listen to iCatholic radio with different host and subjects.

why am I saying all this?- well it is the back ground of what has been going on.  My dh and I decided not to go to my brother’s son’s wedding but we did go to the reception.  We made this most difficult decision after talking to your pastor and asking his advice.  It was not an easy decision as I knew the family would not understand our reasons.  I was correct.  I did go and tell my brother and we had a conversation about it.  He told me to do what I felt was best but he felt I was wrong.  Ok well we can agree to disagree I guess-NOT!  It also happens that the day of that wedding I had two children home sick, which is the reason I gave for not attending the wedding but going to the reception.  Which I might add we left  before the dancing started because we got a phone call to come home.

Two weeks later we go to Chicago to go to the other Nephew’s wedding and reception.  Perhaps I am wrong but I did feel as if I got a cold shoulder from my brother.  I am sorry that he is upset but I have to do what I feel is best for me and the salvation of my soul.  I realize that sounds a little strong but I believe it to be true.  We Christians have sold out too many times to others and watching their feelings because they do not believe the same way we do.  However it is our souls that we have to watch out for first and foremost.  I find it hard to be that selfish, or what might appear as selfish.  I really don’t want the family upset with me and I do want to support this newly married couple.  Marriage is a wonderful sacrament given to us by our Lord.

Now that is somewhat over.  There is a birthday party for his grandson this coming weekend.  If I don’t go what will be said?  Am I worried about it or do I just let it go?

NOW tonight my oldest in a play that is opening at the Civic theatre here in town.  Her father and I want to go and support her and see how she is doing but she has asked us not to come.  And why might she not want her parents or grandparents there?  Because of the subject content that is why.  This is not a play I would even considering going at any other time.  And I feel that if I do go I might walk out in the middle of the play.  IF I were to walk out this would be noted as it open to only a small group of people.  However it would send a HUGE message to her (maybe).  She would not miss the message anyhow.  So life is confusing and knowing what to do that is correct or not.

GOD PLEASE GUIDE ME IN THESE DECISIONS!

 

 

Copy Cat -taC ypoC

OK so I thought I would start a blog so that I could write about different stuff that I feel I have no one to talk to about.  At least that way I would be able to get it out and who knows maybe, just maybe it would increase my writing skills.  Well guess what ??? I have a copy cat!!!

Yes a copy cat, you know someone who does what you do after you have done it.  This is not a new copy cat this is the same old copy cat I have been around for over twenty years now.  What do they say about the best form of flattery?

However there is a difference between now and twenty years ago.  What might have changed you you’re wondering, well let me tell you.  I have learned an important lesson along the way and that is laughter!! I know laugh about it and tease him about being a copy cat!

The BIG difference between both of us blogging is I came up with an original name and title and his is more B-O-R-I-N-G!!! yes really it is boring and lacks imagination.  Oh well I suppose that is ok, he is a great guy and always in his own head so maybe now I can join him there through his boring blog (HA!HA!)

Well have a wonderful day and don’t get too hot out there this weekend, because it is a H-O-T one!!!!

 

Later,

All by meeself

Family

Well the oldest child moved out.  Had to have her independence and could not take it here anymore, how does one not take that personal?

Why is it so hard  to get along when the children are getting older.  Not the way I saw it when I was younger.  I thought we would be a happy family and be happy seeing one another.  Not sure that is true.  I am happy to see her but it seems as if the tongue is a mighty sword!! on both parts.  How can one love so much and yet continue messing up with those that they care the most about?

In the end I feel the evening ended on a good note. I hoped LL get an appointment to get tires on their car.  It is still nice to be helpful.

The middle child JA had a birthday today 16!!!! Sweet 16 and never been kissed! I guess that is still true.  I am so very proud of all my children they are all good-looking!!!  I hope it was a good birthday for them as in the past this day seems to have been overlooked once or more.  Finances and all what they are.  This year they received an iPod.  Wanted an iPad but sorry Charley Mama could not afford it.  I think JA is happy with what they received.  No surprises as we went shopping earlier to get some clothes that I made JA put away until today.

Not feeling very well and hope to get over soon so that I do not have this problem when we go on vacation next week. Not sure I can handle an eight-hour car ride like this.  I will call the doctor tomorrow morning and I know she will order blood work.  We shall see and hopefully all turns out well. Well good night for now.

Schoolhouse Rock

Last night while watching my youngest LL perform in Schoolhouse Rock Live Jr.  I wondered if the kids really knew what they where singing about.  Did they truly understand about the songs or where they just songs to perform.

The one song that really got to me was “I’m just a bill”.  Funny that they should be singing that after what the Congress and Senate were talking about today.  I am sure that most if not all of them had no idea the significance of what they were saying.  Yet did the others in the audience have any idea or thought about it either?  Do we as Americans REALLY think about how important our legal system is or are we more concerned with the day-to-day goings on in our own lives.  Do we see what they on Capital Hill are doing affects us directly sooner or later.  Do they up on Capital Hill realize they are making decisions for thousands of people that they will NEVER EVER met.

The kids were singing about the bill and what was going to happen to it if it were chosen to be a law or not.  If not than it might get shelved NEVER to be seen again.  And it made me think about the Cut, Cap and Balance bill that was shelved.  How could the speaker of the house do that.  The government needs to be on a budget the same of all of us.  We are expected to live with in our means than isn’t what is good for the goose good for the gander?  Have our representatives removed themselves so far from the common people that they can not see it.

The President is saying he would VETO the Cut, Cap and Balance Act and threatening not to pay social security or armed services paychecks.  IS that fair?? what about his own salary he seems to forget talking about it! Or withholding the Senate and Congress’s paychecks since they can not get the job done in a timely manner!! I think that the American people might go for that to start with.  Obama tries to make us believe he is for us yet when he talks about taxing the rich and giving their money to the not so rich.  Mr. President are you not one of those rich??? How much are you willing to give back to the government to take care of the American people?  From what I have heard you don’t even help out what little family you have.  Other than of course your free-loading mother-in-law.

Mr. President if you want to tell the American people that they have to start sacrificing and doing without than why not show us an example of how you and your wife are doing without!  From what I heard (and I might add the media is far kinder to you than George Bush about this subject!) you and your family are living high on the hog in a house that WE the American People provide for you!!!! and give you a salary to boot.

I greatly respect the office of president but I do not respect all the people who fill that office.  Where have we gotten off the track and do not respect this great country of ours.  We have lost the what it means to be an American.  I have been reading and watching about the Revolutionary war and there is so much there that I did not learn in school.  I am not blaming the school system necessarily it could be I was just a kid and it was not that big of a deal.  But it should be.  What the founding fathers when through for our country and now to see people disrespect this country that they were raised in as much as they do is awful.

 

Wonderful days

So here I sit watching pancake cook. I think the air temp is hotter than the stove. As I stand behind the stove I wonder how my great grandmother did it in the long dresses of her day. We at least have a pool to dip in to cool off.

Among sour dough pancakes though I am not to sure anyone will eat them now. Thank the good Lord for refrigerators !!! This is the type my g-grandma made for me as a little girl. It seems as the years pass by I long more and more for the taste from my childhood.

The house is slowly get g in order, well I see progress in spots any how. I have found I really don’t mind cleaning it is the picking up that gets me. Well we still have a lot to work on.

Linda is in New York this week with her grandmother. She is loving it and having a wonderful time. How I wish could have been the one to take her to her first broadway play. It makes me sad as this was a dream of mine. Oh well she is enjoying the time with grandma Judy and I am happy about that! Not to fond of her chose of plays to see. I guess that means more prayers on my part. I know she is becoming an adult I just hope someday her views change more in favor of what God wants is to do. But I guess I can not say it to often for fear of driving her farther away. My hope is someday she understands and we can agree on more subjects!!!

Long weekend

It is so very sad to see people pass at such a young age. Austin Quinn passed on Sunday morning. His family has been on my mind since then. Such a cute kid and nice smile. Why is the smile so easy to remember? Even when you have never really talked to someone there smile can itch itself on one’s soul so that it is not forgotten. Or to see and her someone laugh. It seems to stay with people a long time.

The good part of the weekend was the 4th. We had dad’s party and it was a great time! He even thanked me for inciting Tim over! more later I have to run right now just wanted to say hi though and get some of my thoughts down.

Till we met again

Joyfully
Me and I

Facebook

So I was checking out Facebook today and seeing what people put on there is amazing to me.  Don’t they realize that they are putting a part of themselves out online for the rest of the world to judge them.  Something that I post and I might think is funny gives insight into my soul about who I am and how I feel.

My daughter talks about me facebook stalking her friends (which I am not!).  I do not see it this way. I am just trying to learn who they are what they are like.  You can tell alot about someone and the things they put on facebook.  For instance what do they apply the like button to?  Is it something that I agree with or not.  How alike are we?

People use dating services and “think” they know how the other person is but do you really know them.  OR do you just like what you are hearing or seeing?  They can “pretend” to be anyone they want to or let you believe something about them that is not true.  I have read that over 50 percent of the people on dating services are married!! WOW ! REALLY!  well if you want to have an affair and think that people will believe you in what you say then why not?  (Maybe because you have to tell the truth about who you are no matter what any one else knows because you have live with yourself)

I told you I would be jumping around from subject to subject but that is the way my mind works.  First starting out with one thought and then that brings up something else that I wanted to get out (and most of the time I forget what I started out saying, shhhh! don’t tell anyone about that)

Well the hubby is calling and time to get off here and doing something else.

Take care until we met again!!!

Joyfully,

mee, myself and I

Getting Started

Well here I am getting a blog. Why? Well I guess I have something to say and if your here than you want to read it. If your not here than that is ok I still have my thoughts that I can get out.

What do I want to blog about? Well how about the stuff that goes on everyday that makes me questions or I find interesting or amazing. Maybe if I get my thoughts out then I can figure out things on my own faster. I am the type of person that needs a sounding board. But there is not always a sounding board around. So here we have a blog!! I will try it and see what happens.

Please forgive the misspelings and quick change in directions on thoughts, I sometimes do that or so I have been told. But only told once or was it twice? well any how. I am going to publish this and see what it looks like so that I can try it again later.

take care until we are together again!!

Joyfully
Me, myself and I

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